Today’s topic is pretty exciting. We’re going to be talking about that elusive creature known as the mom friend. From the day you find out you’re pregnant you’re going to start to hearing about all these things you’ll need. Baby carrier, crib, Boppy, Bumbo, nipple cream, carseat, diapers (oh good lord the amount of diapers). The list goes on. What nobody tells you is just how much you’re going to need a friend. Motherhood is hard and confusing and you need to make sure you have someone you can talk to about all of it. A good mom friend is your most valuable asset in this motherhood gig. Now I’m pretty lucky because I have two. Also, unlucky as shit because one of them is on the other side of country. You know who you are boo.
One is old. Our friendship predates my trek into motherhood. She was in my corner before I ever saw those two pink lines. She’s been there for fertility treatments and false pregnancy tests and talks about bodily fluids most of you would rather not hear about. We have long since passed the TMI barrier. We’ve been pregnant together twice and have talked about more bodily functions than I ever thought possible. This badass mama knows more personal details about my life than just about anyone. She’s been my cheerleader and shoulder to cry on. She’s single-handedly gotten me through breastfeeding. I know I can text this girl at midnight with a panicked question about nipples or discharge and get a completely non-judgmental “OMG girl, totally normal” to quell my fears.
The other one is newer. We live five minutes from each other and have kids the same age. You want to talk about elusive creatures? That is like finding a unicorn my friend. She answered one of my questions in a facebook mom group and we’ve been going strong since. Whether it’s a girl’s day out, a nice kid free dinner or a trip to Costco with the kids in tow. This is the girl to call. We can bitch about our children with no judgement. The fact that this chick hasn’t left me for the sheer amount of times I’ve openly referred to my children as assholes should be a sign. She’s my play date mom. I don’t have to worry about apologizing for a messy house or when my kid (inevitably) throws a tantrum. Because she knows. She knows my kid’s quirks and she knows what obstacles we’re currently working on. She’s also got two toddlers of her own. So I know when I text her at five a.m. saying how awful my day already is, she gets it. Sometimes she even brings me coffee.
Motherhood is hard. So fucking hard. There are days when I feel like I’m on an island by myself. Completely secluded from the outside world. Nobody warns you how lonely it can be. That’s the darker side that nobody really talks about. Having that ride or die (to Costco) friend is going to make it easier. Dare I say enjoyable?
If you’re not there yet, don’t worry. Your special someone is out there. (No, I’m not talking about your significant other.) You just need to put yourself out there. Join groups, talk to other moms at school, hang out in the diaper aisle, stalk the pregnancy test aisle and wait until you see a cool chick that you think you can hit it off with. Okay, maybe not that last one.
I know it’s intimidating but try not to think too hard. Don’t worry that every mom out there is going to judge you because you think you’re doing it all wrong. Here’s a secret. We all feel like that. That “perfect” mom at the playground who’s passing out “perfect” snacks to her “perfect” kids? The one you think is judging you because your three year old who’s still in diapers is eating leftover Cheetos from your bag. She thinks you’re judging her because she was checking her phone while her kids were playing on the swings.
Next time, don’t avoid eye contact. Strike up a conversation. Sure, it might be awkward for a few minutes. You may never see her again. Or maybe, just maybe, six months from now you’ll be texting her a question about poop.
Because she’s your mom friend. Your tribe. Your unicorn.