Ten Reasons I haven’t Strangled You Yet (a declaration of love)

I was feeling a bit uninspired today. Unfortunately I promised myself (and my sister) that I’d be making a new entry today. I even wrote a reminder on a post-it note. That’s pretty much iron clad. So when I was whining about this lack of inspiration to my hubby, he selflessly suggested I write about how much I love him.

Alright babe. You asked for it. Here goes.

Things I love about my husband

1. You do the dishes. Without me asking! Now this may not seem like a big deal to you Joseph but trust me on this. It’s huge. I’ll take an empty dishwasher over flowers any day. Now that is romance.
2. You really don’t care if I slum around all weekend in my sweats. Somehow you still find this attractive. Fuzzy legs, no make-up, sweatpants. It makes no difference. Thanks for setting that bar low babe. 😉
3. You enjoy doing nothing with me. A nice night out, a netflix marathon, a day at home with our kids. It doesn’t matter. I love that you consider eating leftover donuts together after our kids go to bed a romantic evening. Which kind of goes with number four…
4. You are easy to please. It doesn’t take much. You are genuinely a happy person. That’s a rare quality and I think it’s one of my favorite things about you.
5. You’re an amazing dad. You don’t see parental roles/duties as Mom vs. Dad. You’re just there and I appreciate that.
6. Sex. I won’t go into too much detail because I’ve got moms, siblings, aunts, friends reading this and don’t care to scar them for life. I’ll just say that I love doing ya. 😉
7. You give zero fucks. As someone who cares entirely too much it can be challenging at times to be married to such an extrovert. Still, it’s something I admire in you.
8. You make a mean scrambled egg. Seriously, why don’t you do this more often? Can I put in a request for some breakfast in bed?
9. Your butt.
10. You put up with my shit. And truth be told there’s a lot of shit.

Now marriage isn’t all unicorns and rainbows. It can get ugly. So let me take a minute to be real. Here are some things that drive me effing crazy.

1. You poop with the door open. Why do you do this? Our vows were in sickness and health. Not “while you’re pooping”. This leads me to number two (pun intended).
2. For some reason you think that the best time to discuss important matters with me is while I’m pooping. No. Just stop. Furthermore, you seem to have passed this trait on to our children. So thanks for that.
3. You have kept every single electric plug to every single electronic we have ever owned. You do realize that any new electronic we buy will come with it’s own cord??
4. This one may seem silly but bare with me. You microwave hot dogs. Im not nit-picking here. This is just gross.
5. EAT A FREAKING VEGETABLE.
6. Your taste in tv shows and movies. I mean how many movies can I watch about Bruce Lee before I lose my mind? One. The Answer is one. Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story. That is not however an admission that I actually like the movie. That will never happen.
7. Let’s go back to the topic of poop. Do you expect me to believe it really takes you twenty plus minutes to unload? No sir. I know you’re in there playing on your phone. The gig is up.
8. You’re a hoarder. Yeah. I said it. YOU. ARE. A. HOARDER. Start throwing shit away before someone calls A&E.
9. I hate your cat. Ok, so maybe I’m running out of steam and just being petty but that little furry bastard is a jerk.

So there it is. Just a few of the reasons that I want to strangle love you.

You are the peanut butter to my jelly. The cheese to my macaroni. The reason I may end up getting five to ten. ❤

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